This is a direct excerpt from my actual physical journal which no one is allowed to read ever. Aren't you lucky?
"I didn't do anything today and I feel bad about it. All I did was put put around in my slippers and half-assedly think about my novel.
It does me better than thinking about the wedding though. Having an important date in the near future really does something to my perception of the passage of time. It's like it's too far away, only inching agonizingly along, but at the same time, the date is careening towards the present with truly alarming speed.
Though I imagine ever woman feels this way the week of her wedding day...right?
Still, I can realize that most of my anxiety is not so much caused by my own wishes for perfection, but my wanting my family, friends, and soon-to-be-family to be impressed by the ceremony. Which is ridiculous, I know, but I just want them to think that my wedding was beautiful. The thought of anyone thinking that the decorations were ugly, or the weather was unbearable, or that the food was bad, or anything else breaks my heart. Especially since many of them had to come from a long ways away.
I really just need to let it go. It's my wedding, I'm supposed to be happy, right? Dalin says that I shouldn't stress out about it because it will just ruin it for me. I guess that's true. But I really don't think I ever learned how to just not stress about stressful things."
Yes, it's normal to worry about something big like this. It's not the wedding ceremony itself, tho, that you're worried about. It's just easier to focus on. But really, the wedding itself is just the party. It's the public declaration of promises that your hearts and your souls have already made. It will be a beautiful ceremony. You will be a beautiful bride. Even if something happens and you decide to ditch the pomp and go with old jeans in a mud puddle. The thing to focus on - the REAL thing to focus on - is what truly matters: the public and legal binding of two souls who are already committed to loving and supporting each other. The rest, as they say, is cake.
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