On Bigness, A Post In Which the Author Comes to Understand a Prayer

View from 149249513 km above 70°N 146°25'W

Satellite data provided by The Living Earth^® Inc./Earth Imaging
© 1996, All Rights Reserved.

I found this image the other night while I was feeling pretty down, and I soon realized that this image had had an extremely comforting affect on me. The following post is some out-loud thinking on my part as to why.

I have a problem with Winter, as some of you know. I tend to become depressed this time of year. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that this has a lot to do with the lack of sunshine we get in the Winter. This image made me remember that, even at the darkest time of the night at the darkest time of the year, it is a sunshiny afternoon somewhere not so very far away.

I think that a lot of us get tricked into thinking that the world is just what we see of it. We get so caught up in our own lives that we forget that our life is actually small and insignificant in the slightly bigger scheme of things. I think this might be part of what Shakespeare meant when he said; "There are more things in Heaven and Earth that are dreamt of in your philosophy."

The thought that the universe (Multiverse? Infiniverse? Whatever we're calling it these days" is infinite is infinitely comforting because there are infinite reasons to be happy. Are you following me? No matter how horrible things seem right now, be comforted in the fact that nothing has changed. The world is still beautiful. Love still thrives on this little blue marble in the vastness of space. Or, to put it another way...

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. World without end. Amen.

I think this post may be a bit confusing. The thoughts are still raw, you see, and not very eloquently communicated. But for now, this is my best.

Wedding Woes

This is a direct excerpt from my actual physical journal which no one is allowed to read ever. Aren't you lucky?

 

"I didn't do anything today and I feel bad about it. All I did was put put around in my slippers and half-assedly think about my novel.

It does me better than thinking about the wedding though. Having an important date in the near future really does something to my perception of the passage of time. It's like it's too far away, only inching agonizingly along, but at the same time, the date is careening towards the present with truly alarming speed.

Though I imagine ever woman feels this way the week of her wedding day...right?

Still, I can realize that most of my anxiety is not so much caused by my own wishes for perfection, but my wanting my family, friends, and soon-to-be-family to be impressed by the ceremony. Which is ridiculous, I know, but I just want them to think that my wedding was beautiful. The thought of anyone thinking that the decorations were ugly, or the weather was unbearable, or that the food was bad, or anything else breaks my heart. Especially since many of them had to come from a long ways away.

I really just need to let it go. It's my wedding, I'm supposed to be happy, right? Dalin says that I shouldn't stress out about it because it will just ruin it for me. I guess that's true. But I really don't think I ever learned how to just not stress about stressful things."