This is a direct excerpt from my actual physical journal which no one is allowed to read ever. Aren't you lucky?
"I didn't do anything today and I feel bad about it. All I did was put put around in my slippers and half-assedly think about my novel.
It does me better than thinking about the wedding though. Having an important date in the near future really does something to my perception of the passage of time. It's like it's too far away, only inching agonizingly along, but at the same time, the date is careening towards the present with truly alarming speed.
Though I imagine ever woman feels this way the week of her wedding day...right?
Still, I can realize that most of my anxiety is not so much caused by my own wishes for perfection, but my wanting my family, friends, and soon-to-be-family to be impressed by the ceremony. Which is ridiculous, I know, but I just want them to think that my wedding was beautiful. The thought of anyone thinking that the decorations were ugly, or the weather was unbearable, or that the food was bad, or anything else breaks my heart. Especially since many of them had to come from a long ways away.
I really just need to let it go. It's my wedding, I'm supposed to be happy, right? Dalin says that I shouldn't stress out about it because it will just ruin it for me. I guess that's true. But I really don't think I ever learned how to just not stress about stressful things."